Musings and Writing of GG Alexander

Freewrite 1

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I am what I was. And I am not what I am in your mind. In your thoughts and recollections you named me Love, Witch, Desire, Fire burning bright and oh, you loved to scream my name, the false name I gave you.

I am not what I am. What I was, am, is shadow and spite, sunshine and rain, the echoes round your room at night, this is what I was, am, is, it, yes, I am, I am, I am.

You are what you are. Bright eyed. Green souled. Never, you said, I will never, never let you go, never let you come to harm. How can you harm a breeze? I am not what I am in your mind.

Grasping at wind.

And still.

Still, your arms held heat in them. Warmth. Vein under skin, blue rivers down your length, I traced them with my fingertips and we laughed because it tickled.

I am not what I was then.

Your lips, so soft. You are only a boy and I am the eternal everything, I return to nature, I am a fleeting painting made by the whole, and you – you are animal. You were birthed and you will die. You will die. And I will be in the worms that eat your corpse and in the grass that grows above your bones.

Still – ah! – that moment, when you first took my hand and, blushing, held it to your lips, trembling sweet flutter on my knuckles, human heart thumped louder than I thought an organ could move. No. I am not what I was then.

I become as I was. I return, as always. I return.

Still, this fleeting time, passing by stars in the sky, sun traverse from edge to edge, bird song day in and day out. An image made by the whole to please itself. I have enjoyed myself, this living. So fast.

I only wish I could keep this conscious. Your eyes, so pained. Cry for me not to go. You never had a choice, beloved creature. This is beyond the likes that you can control. But oh! let me keep these memories, oh world, let me remember this pain, let me carry each piece in each breath of wind I become, let me see your face, let me relive the warmth of you, the love of you. Dear world. Kind, cruel world. It is as it ever was, and I become all I have ever been.

Sweet child. Do not weep. Time will remember us when the animals have forgotten. These days passed, and they are written, and time keeps them safe in her breast under a hundred million forgotten little secrets.

But yet, remember me, while you live. I have enjoyed experiencing myself, and I rather wish it wouldn’t go so fast. How quickly I fade. No, not quick any more. But fast. Fast.

It has been my honour to know you and existence so closely.

Not goodbye. No. I will be here. But still – fare well. Fare well, in your time. Love, live, remember. Fare well.

Fare well.


Written by G.J.

08/03/2015 at 8:34 pm

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