Musings and Writing of GG Alexander

Savage Writing: Script Night – Babysitting is Magic

with one comment

For the Leeds Savage Script Night. This isn’t the proper format for a script but I never intended it to be “proper” anyway. Kind of wish I’d let someone else play Leanne’s part instead of me, but hey ho. Also, everyone though there was going to be a plot twist at the end…nope. Didn’t even consider it. The piece is about the horrors of friendship, people!

L:         Hey, you. Short one. Come over here and talk to me.

E:         I’m not short.

L:         Yeah, I’ve got boots taller than you, sunshine – come on, sit down and chat to me. Tell me about yourself.

E:         [Says nothing. Looks down]

L:         Ah, like that, is it? Your auntie Leanne comes to look after you and you haven’t even got a word for her? Not a peep for the auntie you haven’t seen in years?

E:         I don’t know what to say.

L          Well, tell me about boy bands you like – actually, no, don’t, I don’t wanna be sick – or what subjects at school you like, or what TV shows you like.

E:         Um, I like “My Little Pony”.

L:         Honey, I like “My Little Pony”. That shit is awesome. That’s not news.

E:         I don’t think my mum would like it if she knew you were swearing in front of me.

L:         Whatever. You can take it. Little bit of blue air in’t gonna harm you. [lights up fag]

E:         You know, smoking’s really bad for you.

L:         Wow, in the whole decade-and-a-bit I’ve lived more than you, this is honestly the first time I’ve ever heard of it. Good job!

E:         It’s bad for me, as well. And if mum smells it when you come back, you’re gonna get in a lot of trouble.

L:         Whatever. I’ll tell her it was you. Tell her you tricked me into giving you a fag, like it was some wacky American comedy piece of shit. She’ll believe me.

E:         No she won’t.

L:         Sh, sh, don’t contradict the grown-ups, honey. Anyway, you didn’t answer me. What do you like at school?

E:         I like maths.

L:         Maths. Maths? Good God, how did Kelly end up with a kid like you? Maths. Jesus Christ.

E:         What’s wrong with liking maths?

L:         Really, how could she turn out a kid that likes maths of all things? I mean, we spent all of school smoking by the art block–

E:         Mum doesn’t smoke. She’s never smoked.

L:         [barely listening] Well, as far as I remember anyway, fuck knows if I’m right, I can’t remember a thing. I’m not even sure either of us ever learnt to read.

E:         Really?

L:         Yeah honey, it was my dog that signed your birthday and Christmas cards last year. Keep up, sweetie. [pats chin]

E:         Get off, I’m not a little kid! You’re lying anyway – I’ve never gotten a Christmas card from you. And there’s nothing wrong with liking maths!

L:         Nothing wrong with dressing like a chicken and clucking through the egg section at Morrison’s either, but I don’t do it.

E:         And why do you watch “My Little Pony” anyway? It’s for kids!

L:         Just like optimism and outrage, sweetie.

E:         I’m not your sweetie! You’re not even my auntie! And you shouldn’t even be allowed to look after me. Dad told me about you.

L:         Ah, DisQord himself, sowing the seeds of chaos. Go on, what’d he say?

E:         He said a criminal shouldn’t be left alone with a child. He said you’re not trustworthy, and that you’d probably steal something.

L:         Puh-lease, like he keeps anything of worth in this shithole. You and your mum are the only precious things in this house. Sweetie.

E:         Dad said you went to jail. That means you’re a criminal. He didn’t want mum to let you babysit me but she made him. He said he’d rather pay a stranger to look after me than have you, and I wish he had.

[Leanne sighs.]

L:         You know, Evie – look at me, Evie, don’t you go away from me! – you know, Kelly was so happy when she found out she was going to have you. I thought she was way too fucking young to ruin her life, but she was happy, and even if you don’t remember it, I saw you as a baby and you were really cute and everything. Me and your mum were always thick as thieves, and when you were born she said I was your godmother – you know, not a real godmother, an atheist godmother-in-spirit kind of thing. I wanted to be there for you, so I sent you cards even when you couldn’t read them. And I’m sorry you haven’t really seen me before now – if I could’ve visited, I would’ve. Now let’s not talk about your dad. Do you like swimming? Or dancing? Or gymnastics?

E:         You’ve never sent me any cards.

L:         I’m sorry they weren’t very nice, sweetie – I only had paper and pens in prison, I couldn’t buy you one in there, and I’m not the best at drawing – but I tried, I really did.

E:         I never got any.

[Leanne pauses and looks at her]

L:         Did your mum ever talk about me, Evie?

E:         You’re in pictures of when I was a baby. She told me who you were. And then dad told me that you set someone’s car on fire and got put in prison.

L:         You know, out of all the millions of statistics and things in the newspapers, how come Kelly had to be one of the ones to have her baby-daddy stay with her? Why her out of everyone?

E:         I’m going to watch TV.

L:         Evie, Evie, please, don’t – well…you can go watch TV if you like, go watch My Little Pony, just come here first – come here, give me a hug.

E:         I don’t want to.

L:         Just a quick hug, Evie, then I’ll leave you alone forever. Okay? Okay?

[They hug. Evie runs off. Leanne smokes in silence. Evie sings along with the song off-stage:]

E:         “And magic makes it all complete…”

L:         I loved making those cards, Kelly.

[Song fades out – “Do you know you are my very best friend”. Leanne still smoking as lights fade].


‘I thought she was going to turn out the be the mother!’

‘Me too!’


Didn’t even think of it. I’m not a natural 1000 word writer! I don’t know you’re meant to put a twist at the end of everything!


Written by G.J.

14/06/2012 at 7:40 pm

One Response

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. […] you can just jot down an imaginary scenario of two people sitting around talking shit. I do this quite a […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: